


A Bunch of Mini Fics

by SexuallyMonsterous (Alli_Bialystock)



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: A Lot of Gay, A little gen, At least I hope so!, Gen, Just a fuckton of stuff, M/M, short tumblr prompts, something for everyone - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-26 14:50:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 6,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7578322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alli_Bialystock/pseuds/SexuallyMonsterous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bunch of mini fics from my Tumblr, based on prompts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Erlich/Jared/Richard - Diapers

“Erlich, Jesus fucking Christ! Put those down!”

“Richard, calm down,” Erlich ordered sternly. “Jared told me about your problem. I’m just trying to help.”

“Well don’t!” Richard hissed. He tried to grab the adult diapers out of Erlich’s arms, but he failed. “I don’t have a fucking problem, okay?!”

“So you’re not wetting the bed, huh?”

“No! They’re night SWEATS! I’m SWEATING! I mean, there were a couple times, but I mean, it wasn’t like it was a big deal…”

“So you ARE wetting the bed.”

“Barely!” Richard looked around self-consciously. “Seriously. It’s not to the point where I need… those!”

“Well, Jared clearly disagrees,” Erlich snapped, “and considering you didn’t even tell me about it, who am I supposed to believe here? You, the guy who lied to me and deliberately didn’t tell me about this issue, or Jared, who might be physically incapable of lying?”

“Jared isn’t any more incapable of lying than I am.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me you were pissing yourself?”

“Because I wasn’t!”

Jared walked into the kitchen, and Richard turned to him, fuming. “You told Erlich I’m wetting the bed?!”

“Richard, please don’t be upset,” Jared said, holding up his hands. “Erlich just wants to help. We’ve both been concerned about your stress levels. And there’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a very common issue.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” Richard said, crossing his arms.

“If it wasn’t, they wouldn’t make adult diapers,” Erlich said. “Come on. Just try them, please?”

Richard growled and grabbed the package. “Fine. I’ll go put one on. But I’m telling you, it’s not necessary.”

“Of course not, champ,” Erlich replied. Richard wanted to say something, but decided it wasn’t worth it.

 

Richard walked out of the bathroom, self-consciously adjusting his jeans. “Is it noticeable?”

“Not at all,” Jared reassured him. “Besides, you’re probably only going to need them at night.”

“Probably? You know what, nevermind.” Richard looked down. “You know, these are actually pretty comfortable.”

“And they make your dick look bigger,” Erlich said. 

Richard tried to ignore him. “I guess wearing these at night won’t be too bad.” He laughed uncomfortably. “Maybe I’ve been buying the wrong underwear this whole time.”

“You look very masculine and very adult,” Jared said. “And dapper!”

“Yeah,” Erlich snorted. “You look diaper dapper.”

Richard sighed. “Thanks guys. You ruined it.” He stormed off to the bathroom.

“You’re going to wear them to bed though, right?”

“Yes! Jesus Christ!”

Erlich and Jared smiled at each other. “That’s our boy,” Erlich said fondly.

(Much love to ThePrinceOfPirates for the inspiration!)


	2. NelsonBelson - Pet Names

Gavin, for the first time in years, woke up hungover. He didn’t know how Nelson had convinced him to go to that stupid party with those little Pied Piper fucks, but there had been almost absurd amounts of alcohol and, well, when in Rome, he figured. And now he was paying for it.

He shambled into the kitchen, bleary-eyed, and was surprised to find Nelson not only awake and drinking one of his disgusting Big Gulps, but also looking at Gavin with what could only be described as a look of triumph. “What?” Gavin snapped. He went to the fridge and pulled out some iced tea. 

“Do you remember anything from last night?” Nelson asked cheerfully.

“No.” Gavin took a deep swig. He could practically feel his dehydration in his bones. 

“So you don’t remember getting home?”

“The last thing I remember was the guy with the abhorrent facial hair saying the word ‘shots’ over and over while Hendricks threw up in the garbage disposal,” Gavin snapped. “I’m never going to one of those fucking parties again.” He squinted at Nelson. “How are you not feeling miserable?”

“Oh, I’m not a huge drinker,” he said with a shrug. “I got really drunk in college once and I ended up puking in one of Richard’s suitcases. It wasn’t a high point for me. Plus I had to buy him a new suitcase, so, y’know. Not great.”

“Right.” Gavin continued to chug down his iced tea. “So what are all these irritatingly cryptic questions about?”

Nelson shrugged. That smirk was back. It unnerved Gavin; he wasn’t used to Nelson looking so devious. “Nothing much,” he said airily. “It’s just that I thought you weren’t big on pet names of whatever. But apparently you are.”

Gavin set down his bottle and glared. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“It’s not a big deal!” Nelson said quickly, but he was still smiling. “It’s just that you were being pretty, uh, enthusiastic over pet names last night.”

“Oh God.” Gavin closed his eyes. “What did I say?”

“You, uh.” Nelson was clearly holding in a chuckle. “You kept calling me baby pie.”

“Fuuuuuuuck!” Gavin groaned, leaning over the counter and burying his face in his hands. “Christ, I thought you were going to say I called you ‘honey’ or something. I actually said the words baby pie?!” 

“Yeah. Kind of a lot.” Nelson laughed and patted Gavin on the back. “It’s okay, Gav. It’s not a big deal. I mean, shit, we’ve been living together for two months, I sort of expected pet names to come up eventually.”

“You’re not embarrassed?” Gavin asked.

“No. Why would I be?”

Gavin shook his head. Nelson was so unflappable. It made him feel embarrassed for being embarrassed.

“So…” Gavin raised his head. “You wouldn’t be upset if I kept calling you that?” 

Nelson grinned and leaned across the counter, pressing a sugary kiss to Gavin’s lips. “Not at all, baby pie.”


	3. Gavin - A Missed Call

Nothing annoyed Gavin more than when someone called when he was in the shower. 

His phone was sitting right on the counter, but there was no way in hell that he was going to get out, walk over there sopping wet, and answer it. “They’ll leave a message,” he told himself, trying to keep his blood pressure from skyrocketing at the repetitive ringing. 

The shower, after all, was his one sanctuary; it was the one time that he was completely unplugged. Not only was he not expected, in that short amount of time, to pick up the phone and handle every single stupid problem that appeared in front of the people he worked with, but he wasn’t really expected to do anything. All he had to do was stand under the warm water and let himself pretend that everybody’s problems weren’t also his problems.

The ringing continued. He heard it click over to voicemail and felt his shoulders relax.

BEEP BEEP! BEEP BEEP! 

He groaned in frustration, rubbing at his face. “Ridiculous,” he whispered. “Fucking ridiculous.”

The phone continued to ring on and off for the next ten minutes. By the time he got out of the shower, he was too irritable to listen to the voicemails. Five more minutes, he told himself, switching his phone to silent. Five more minutes to myself, not dealing with other people’s shit. 

He had seen the familiar Raviga number on the screen. The last thing he wanted to do was deal with petty bullshit surrounding Pied Piper. He didn’t want to hear any gloating about how they’d cleaned up at Tech Crunch, he didn’t want to be reminded that he couldn’t seem to catch up to their tech, and he definitely didn’t want to hear Peter or one of his underlings gloating. He didn’t want to hear Peter talking about how amazing his Safari trip was going or about fucking Aralon.

He turned on the TV and sank onto the couch, closing his eyes. Five minutes of the morning news, and then he could deal with the world again.

“ - dead at 48,” the anchor was saying. “The news has completely shook the tech world and potentially lost Mr. Gregory’s company, Raviga, multiple investments.”

Gavin’s eyes shot open, and he felt a glimmer of hope. Raviga, losing investments?

Then he saw the image on the screen. He saw the picture the anchor kept gesturing to. He read the words below the picture of the person who used to matter most to him in the world.

Peter Gregory: 1966 - 2014.


	4. Erlich/Richard - NSFW

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This IS NSFW and it has dicks in it, so... be careful if you don't wanna see dicks.

Richard had been wanting to fuck on the work table for months, but both he and Erlich had decided that it was, without a doubt, a terrible idea. No matter what time they decided to do it, someone was always awake and wandering around: Gilfoyle stayed up until the sun rose, Jared woke up bright and early, and Jian Yang was pretty much always wandering around the house. They simply didn’t have the time and privacy necessary to fuck in common spaces, as much as they may have wanted to.

But one day, they found the house suspiciously quiet for several hours, and they decided to make the most of it.

“What if someone comes back?” Richard panted as Erlich bit and sucked at the sensitive skin on his throat.

“I don’t think they’re going to. I think we’re in the clear.”

“You think?” 

“Oh, c’mon, Richie,” Erlich purred, his hand running from Richard’s neck down to his waist. “Isn’t it more fun when there’s a little danger?”

“I hate you,” Richard groaned, but his disagreements stopped when Erlich’s hand slithered past Richard’s waistband and wrapped around his cock.

“You know you’re going to do whatever I tell you to,” Erlich teased as his thumb rolled around the head of Richard’s cock, running up and down the sensitive rim. “You want me too much. You would do anything to have me fuck you.” 

Richard shuddered. “That’s true,” he whispered. “I’m all yours.”

Erlich groaned. “Fuck, baby, I love it when you say that.” He started to undo his fly, pulling Richard’s pants down as he went. 

“It’s true,” Richard moaned. He gasped when he felt the tip of Erlich’s cock at his entrance, playing with him. “I’d let you do anything to me. I belong to you. I’m yours and yours alone.”

Erlich slicked his cock with spit and slowly pushed inside of Richard, who clutched at the edge of the work table and whimpered. “Tsk, tsk, tsk,” he teased. “Letting me fuck you out here like a little whore. You’re so needy.”

“Only for you,” Richard replied. “You’re my king and my master.”

“Fuck!” Erlich buried himself inside of Richard in one stroke. Richard cried out in pleasure, thrusting back to meet him. “Love it when you talk to me like that… You mean it, don’t you, little slut?”

“Yes!” Erlich was pounding into Richard, fucking him hard and fast, and Richard gave himself over to Erlich’s strength, letting himself be used and tossed around like a doll. When Erlich forced his wrists behind his back, he let out a sigh of contentment and passion. “Fuck yes, Erlich, no one can fuck me like you do. I love your cock!”

“I know you do, little slut -”

Richard found himself getting close. “I love you, Erlich,” he murmured.

Erlich grabbed Richard’s hair, pulling his head back and bringing tears of mingled pain and pleasure to Richard’s eyes. He leaned in to whisper in Richard’s ear. “I love you too, Richie,” he breathed.

Richard was right on the edge when he registered a sound that he hadn’t heard before. He heard his name in a voice that was distinctly different from Erlich’s. “Richard? Are you o-oh!” 

Richard tried to muffle his moans as he came, and he heard Erlich trying to do the same as his cock twitched in Richard’s ass. The two of them stared, open-mouthed, at an equally-shocked Jared, who had dropped all of the groceries he was carrying onto the floor. Apples and oranges rolled through the living room, and a sticky-looking substance pooled around the bag.

“I-I-I…” Jared was pure white, standing completely still. He looked like he thought he would be slapped if he moved. “I’m so terribly sorry. I didn’t expect… this.”

“Uh…” Erlich was clearly searching for an explanation, his softening cock still inside of Richard. 

Richard put his head down, covering it with his arms. He couldn’t stand to look at either of them.

“I didn’t realize you two were together,” Jared continued. There was an awkward pause before he politely added, “Congratulations.”

“Thanks. We’ve been together a couple months. Wanted to keep it quiet, you know,” Erlich responded.

“Can we please do this another time?!” Richard snapped. “I want to put my fucking pants on!” 

“Right.” Erlich pulled out and hurriedly pulled up his shorts. Richard moaned at the loss in spite of himself and pulled up his pants, feeling ashamed of the arousal that washed over him when he felt Erlich’s cum started to drip down his leg.

“Well.” Jared’s pale face had flushed a bright crimson. The three all stood awkwardly, albeit fully clothed, watching each other.

“I imagine you two could use some lunch,” Jared finally said, picking up the grocery bags. “Why don’t I make us all something? To, um, replenish your energy.”

“Great. Thank you,” Erlich replied

“You two go ahead.” Richard slunk towards his room. “I’m just gonna be in my room for the rest of my life, if you need anything.”


	5. Richard and Bighead - Best Friends

“You know, when I said we should go get a drink, this isn’t really what I had in mind,” Richard said, looking down at the milkshake in front of him. 

“Why not? This place is great.” Bighead took a swig of his own milkshake. “You should get their fried Oreos. I brought a girl here once, and she stayed for the whole date.” 

“Wow,” Richard said with a small, huffy laugh. “That’s awesome.”

“Yeah.” Bighead took another drag. “Besides, all the bars around here suck. They don’t just have, you know, beer. I don’t know to order most of the time. The molecular gastronomy thing is getting really big, and I just get really confused by a lot of the menus.”

“Yeah. I had a caviar mojito once.”

“How was it?”

“It was like tapioca pudding, but grosser.”

“Huh.” Bighead took another sip. “That actually sounds kinda cool. Maybe we should’ve gone to one of those bars.”

Richard rolled his eyes and took a drink. Bighead was right - it was pretty great. “So what’d you call me out here for, anyway? Anything going on?”

Bighead sighed. “No. Nothing’s going on. That’s… kinda the point, dude.”

“Um.” Richard shook his head slightly. “W-What do you mean?”

“Come on, man. We’ve barely talked at all for, like, months. Ever since you started Pied Piper. I feel like you’re mad at me or something.”

“I’m not mad at you,” Richard said.

“Okay,” Bighead said slowly. “But you’re clearly something at me. What is it?”

Richard sighed and closed his eyes. “It’s just… I mean… You-You fucking left, Bighead. You left me to deal with all this Pied Piper shit all by myself.”

“I tried to help.”

“Yeah, you ‘tried,’ but still. Half the time I was on my own while you were off hanging out on a roof and buying boats and shit. You literally left the fucking company at the last minute to join Gavin fucking Belson, the guy who tried to fucking bury me. Remember?!” 

“Wow.” Bighead stared. “For not being mad, you actually sound pretty fucking mad.”

“I just…” Richard ran his hands over his face. “You’re my friend, but you’ve got to be stupid to think that wouldn’t make a difference, you know?”

“It’s not that I didn’t think it wouldn’t make a difference, but, you know, I didn’t expect it to ruin our friendship.”

“It didn’t ruin our friendship.”

“You just called me your friend. You never used to call me that.”

Richard threw up his hands. “What else should I call you?”

“What happened to ‘hey, this is Bighead, my best friend?’” 

Richard frowned. “It’s just an expression. Do I have to add ‘best’ every time?”

“It’d be nice to hear it once in a while.”

Richard went silent. He looked down at his milkshake, stirred it with his straw, and went back to watching the bubbles grow. “Any response?” Bighead asked quietly.

“Not really,” Richard said.

Bighead tried not to look hurt. “Was it really that bad?”

Richard sighed. “I-I don’t know. I guess it was.”

“Shit. I’m sorry.”

“That doesn’t fix it.”

“No.” Bighead took another sip. “No, I guess it doesn’t.”


	6. Erlich/Richard - Richard Gets High

Erlich never thought he would regret something like this, but he was starting to think that getting Richard high was a terrible idea.

“Hey, Erlich,” Richard giggled, watching from the table while Erlich waited for the water to boil, “do you think you like ramen so much because it looks like your hair?”

“My hair doesn’t look like ramen!” Erlich snapped, offended.

“Yeah it does,” Richard responded with a lazy grin. “But that’s why I like it so much.”


	7. Erlich/Richard - NSFW Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is also NSFW, kinda. I'm a sinner.

Richard squirmed awkwardly on the bed, pulling at the ropes tying down his wrists and ankles. “Maybe we shouldn’t do this,” he said anxiously, watching Erlich fiddling with something in a bag.

Erlich pulled a thick, ten-inch dildo out of the bag, smirking when he saw Richard’s eyes widen, saying, “So you’re saying you don’t want me to fuck you with this?”

“No,” Richard gulped, his voice shaking. “That’s not what I’m saying at all.”


	8. Erlich/Jared/Richard - Crossdressing (a little NSFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little sexy. No explicit dicks though.

“Well this is turning into a fucking shitshow,” Erlich snapped.

He wasn’t wrong. They had been at the conference one day, and everything was already falling apart. Dinesh and Gilfoyle were constantly fighting (as usual), Jared was fluttering around nervously, and they’d just discovered that Richard hadn’t packed half of his clothes.

“What are you, five?” Dinesh asked him, aghast. “How do you forget to pack underwear?!”

“Just man up and go commando,” Gilfoyle suggested.

“I really don’t want to do that,” Richard said, running a hand through his hair. 

“Why not?”

“Because it just feels… weird.”

“Too rough on the dong?” Erlich asked.

“I just - can we stop talking about it?” Richard snapped. “We’ll just stop somewhere so I can buy some.” 

“We? So we’re all getting dragged out to help you go shopping?” Dinesh threw up his hands. “Fucking ridiculous…”

“What, do you want to walk around commando?” Richard asked irritably, crossing his arms and looking between Gilfoyle and Dinesh. 

“Hey, I would go around the conference naked if our Puritanical country allowed it,” Gilfoyle said. “Then we could all be naked. We wouldn’t have to worry about pissy little issues like packing the right amount of clothes.”

“Why would we all be naked?” Dinesh asked.

“Why wouldn’t we be?”

“Would we have to be, though?”

“Why does anyone have to be naked?”

“None of this is important,” Richard sighed. “Can someone please just drive me to a Target or something?”

“Of course,” Jared said. He tried to calm Richard by putting a hand on Richard’s shoulder, but the shorter man shrugged away. “Erlich, would you mind terribly?”

“No. Let’s just go. We’ve got nothing better to do tonight.” Erlich set his bong to the side.

“Should you be driving if you’re high?” Jared asked as they walked out to the car.

“I’m no higher than usual. And if our kid here needs underwear…”

“I’m not your kid!” Richard said.

“You are at least kid adjacent,” Erlich replied. 

“It’s not a bad thing,” Jared added.

Richard just sighed.

 

“Hey, check these out!” Erlich held up satin boxers. “These would feel great on your dick. Or my dick. I wonder if they have these in an XL…”

“Please stay focused.” Richard started thumbing through packs of Hanes. 

“Richard, you can’t buy packaged underwear. You’re a CEO.” Erlich slapped Richard’s hands away. “Come on. Time to graduate to real boy undies. Like these satin boxers. Seriously, touch this and imagine how your dick will feel.”

“Stop talking about my dick!”

“Richard!” Jared rushed over with a smile. “So, I know it’s a little unconventional, but I found these on sale, and, well, I just think they’ll look nice on you!”

“What are you t- oh. My. God.” Richard snatched the garments out of Jared’s hands, flushing deep red. “Jared, no!”

“Richard, I feel boxers don’t give you enough support, especially considering you sometimes wear fairly tight pants, so this might be a better choice, really.”

“What is it?” Erlich looked over Richard’s shoulder and let out a bark of laughter. “Holy fuck! Jared, you’re a fucking genius. Yes. We’re buying those. How many more of these can we get?”

“There’s a whole table,” Jared explained, eyes lighting up. “And there are a lot of different colors and styles. I think a lot of them would look very nice on Richard.”

“No,” Richard said. 

“Yes.” Erlich grabbed the garments out of Richard’s hands and started running after Jared. 

“Of course,” Richard said under his breath. He put his head down and resigned himself to his fate.

 

“Come on, Richard!” Erlich called. All of the guys were sitting around with beers (Jared was very slowly and politely sipping at his, while the others were on their third or forth), watching the door. “Show us what Mommy and Daddy bought for you!”

“Why are you making this creepier?!” Richard yelled. 

“Come on, Richard!” Dinesh goaded.

“I don’t mean to push you, but if you are willing to show us, it would be appreciated!” Jared said politely.

Fortunately for the crew, Richard was also a few beers in. He took a deep breath and walked out. “Okay, give me shit. Go ahead.”

The four stared for a moment. 

“Holy shit,” Erlich finally said. “You look great.”

“Yeah?” Richard pulled at the pale pink, lace boyshorts. “You think so?”

“You do look very nice,” Jared agreed. He was blushing lightly.

Dinesh and Gilfoyle looked at the two. “Are we really not going to give him shit?” Gilfoyle asked.

“Why would we? He looks fucking phenomenal,” Erlich argued.

“Okay, so this is weird,” Dinesh said. “Let’s go to the bar.” 

“Agreed.” Gilfoyle stood and followed Dinesh to the door. “You three have fun, I guess.”

When the door closed, Richard looked shyly at Erlich and Jared. “Do I really look good?”

“Absolutely,” Jared said immediately. “How do they feel?”

“Really good, actually.” Richard adjusted the panties, admiring them for a moment. “I think I’ve been buying the wrong underwear.”

“Go on,” Erlich said, shooing Richard back into the bedroom. “Go try on a couple more.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, that sounds fun!” Jared chirped happily. “Like a fashion show!”

“Okay.” Richard rushed into the bedroom, trying to shut the door before the other guys could see how the lace hugged his ass. He failed.

“So we can both agree that this is incredibly hot, right?” Erlich asked Jared.

“Oh yes,” Jared agreed, taking a gulp of beer. “Yes, absolutely.”

 

When Richard walked out in a teal, lace-trimmed thong, Erlich and Jared both cheered. “I think we found a winner!” Jared hollered, clapping. By this point, the three of them were all quite drunk, and his inhibitions had lowered noticeably. 

“Yeah? You think so?”

“Yes! Absolutely yes!” Erlich put two fingers in his mouth and whistled. “Your ass looks incredible!”

“Seriously?” Richard laughed self-consciously. “Thanks!”

“It makes your front look nice, too,” Jared added.

“That too!” Erlich motioned Richard over. “Come on, come sit on Daddy’s lap!”

Richard rolled his eyes and laughed. “No, that’s weird.”

“It’s not weird if you don’t make it weird!”

Richard thought for a second, then nodded. “That might be true, yeah. Yeah! Fuck it! It’s not weird!” He walked up to Erlich and flopped down on his lap. “Did you want me to sit here, or did you want me to give you a lap dance?” he asked, only half-joking.

“Lap dance! Lap dance!” Erlich started the chant, and Jared quickly picked it up. Richard obeyed, slinging his leg over Erlich’s hips and gyrating awkwardly. It seemed to be enough for Erlich and Jared, who started whooping happily. Richard turned around, grinding his ass against Erlich, who - he was surprised to find - was hard. 

Jared stood to get another beer, just tripped over the ottoman. He crawled up to sit on the ottoman, laughing, coming face to face with Richard. “Wanna get in on this?” Richard asked, grinning.

“Yeah, you gotta try this!” Erlich said. He cut himself off with a moan, putting his hands on Richard’s hips and thrusting up.

Richard gasped at the contact. He moaned and ground down harder, his eyes fluttering closed. “Oh shit,” he mumbled, continuing to move his hips until he felt lips against his. He gasped, and his eyes flashed open to see a very red Jared sitting in front of him.

“I’m so sorry,” he said. “I didn’t intend to kiss you.”

“Don’t - Don’t worry about it,” Richard replied, and he leaned forward to kiss him again, whimpering into Jared’s mouth and Erlich started kissing up and down his spine.

 

The next morning, the three of them woke up in the king-sized bed together, listening to Dinesh knocking on the door. “Come on, we’re supposed to be downstairs in half an hour!” Dinesh snapped. 

“Coming!” Erlich called. He sat up, rubbing his eyes. “So… last night was… interesting.”

“Definitely interesting,” Richard agreed.

“Beyond interesting,” Jared added. He was still grinning. 

“Looks like we have to go.” Erlich smirked at the other two. “Pick this up later where we left off?”

“Yes,” Richard and Jared replied instantly.

Richard’s presentation went better than ever. He didn’t want to attribute it completely to the thong, but as he would later admit to Erlich and Jared, it was almost definitely a factor.


	9. Jared/Erlich - What Did I Say?

Jared tended to be a pretty chipper guy, but lately, he’d been almost disturbingly happy. It didn’t bother Erlich too much - he had sort of gotten used to expecting Jared’s extremely upbeat moods - until he realized one very specific, very particular thing about this brand of happiness: it was pretty much all directed at him. Jared was being even more agreeable than usual, and he had started doing little things that went above and beyond his helpful nature, like restocking Erlich’s supply of yogurt when it got low or making him breakfast when he was hungover.

And frankly, it was starting to get a little weird.

When Erlich woke up to scrambled eggs, a chia smoothie, and a bagel with some incredible shmear, he finally had to say something. Never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, he waited until after breakfast and Jared had started on the dishes.

“You’ve been awfully helpful lately,” he commented.

Jared smiled. “Thank you! I’m always happy to help out a friend.” 

“Yeah. But… well… you’ve been - and I mean this in a nice way - creepily helpful,” Erlich continued. “What’s going on? Did you break something? Steal my money? Sell my pot to those little candy-selling fucks down the street?”

“What?!” Jared looked horrified. “Oh my God, Erlich, no, of course not. That’s not it at all.”

“No need to get defensive,” Erlich chided. “I’m just ruling out the most likely scenarios.”

Jared shook his head. “It’s nothing like that, I promise. It’s just… well…” A faint blush crept over his ears and cheeks. Erlich swallowed and reminded himself that this was Jared Dunn, and he was under no circumstances allowed to think that anything he did was cute (even his patently adorable blushing). “I’m sorry, Erlich. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop or anything like that, but… I did hear what you said to Bighead last week.”

Erlich frowned. “What did I say?”

“Ah, yes, that’s right, you were pretty drunk at that point.” Jared smiled; he seemed to find Erlich’s drunken tendencies endearing. “I heard my name come up in the conversation, and I really wasn’t trying to listen, but, well, you mentioned me and..”

“And what?”

“And you mentioned that you find me, um, attractive.” This was the first time Erlich had ever seen Jared look smug. “You said you thought that I’m smart and that we would make, I believe you said, an excellent power couple.”

“Oh shit.” Everything Erlich said came running back through his mind. Everything he’d said was true, but he hadn’t wanted Jared to know any of them. “Look, I’m sorry that you heard that, I -”

“I’d like to be with you,” Jared interrupted.

There was an awkward silence. “Sorry?” Erlich asked.

“If you’d want.” Jared fixed his hair self-consciously. “I mean, I happen to find you quite attractive as well, and I think it would be nice to try something. If you’re open to it, of course.”

Erlich stared for a moment. “You’re a weird guy, Jared.”

Jared’s face fell. “Oh, I’m sorry. You’re right, you were drunk, I’m sure you didn’t mean -”

Erlich cut him off with a peck on the lips. Jared just stared.

“Seven tonight,” Erlich said. “I’m taking you to dinner. You in?”

Jared beamed. Erlich had to admit - his smile was pretty fucking cute. “I’m in,” Jared said giddily. “I am very, very in.”


	10. Erlich/Richard - Roomies

“Erlich?”

Erlich jumped at the knock on his door. He took a deep, shaking breath, trying to steady himself enough to respond. “What?”

“I’m all set to get out of here.” It was Richard, of course. The last person who had stayed once Pied Piper had really gotten big. One by one, all of the guys had moved out; Gilfoyle had gone out to Washington, followed quickly by Dinesh. Jared had gotten his condo back. Jian Yang had hit it surprisingly big and moved out to Austin. Bighead had moved out to Jackson Hole - “I’ve heard it’s really nice there,” he said - and Richard had now, apparently, found another place in the Valley. The guys never had a real reason, business-wise, to be in the same place at the same time, and they had all felt comfortable leaving and starting new, more independent lives.

Leaving Erlich alone in this fucking house.

He knew it was going to happen eventually, on some level, but this was the real final nail in the coffin. Losing all of the other guys had sucked, but losing Richard was the worst of it. He had tried finding other people to join the incubator, but he had apparently racked up a pretty unfortunate reputation over the years; he was a good businessman, people said, but his house was a nightmare. Besides, he didn’t need tenants anymore - he was all set. He had his money. 

Even if he had found other tenants, it wouldn’t have filled the void. His friends had all left, and now his best friend of them all was on his way out. 

Richard knocked again. “Do you mind if I come in? To say goodbye?”

“You don’t have to,” Erlich said, and he was embarrassed to hear that his voice was as shaky and croaky as it couldn’t possibly be.

The door opened and Richard entered, frowning. “Hey, are you okay? Have you… are you crying?” 

Erlich wiped hurriedly at his eyes. “No,” he grunted. “Just… don’t worry about it. The movers are supposed to be here soon. You should be out there to greet them.”

Richard sat down beside Erlich. “They’re not coming for another hour. What’s going on?”

Erlich looked over at his best friend, taking in his big, blue, worried eyes and the slight lines that appeared between his eyebrows when he frowned. It was the first time in a long time that he’d seen Richard worry about something other than the company, and the thought that Erlich could possibly be as important to him as Pied Piper pushed Erlich over the edge. 

A ragged sob left Erlich’s throat and he curled up, elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. “Fuck,” he gasped, tears flowing down his cheeks. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” 

Richard put a hand on his shoulder. Erlich tried to shrug him off, but it didn’t work. “Hey. What’s wrong? What’s going on here?”

“Nothing.”

“Right. That’s bullshit.” Richard’s grip tightened. “What happened?”

“What happened?” Erlich let out a bitter laugh. “What happened is that I’m fucking alone, Richard. Everyone’s gone. Everyone’s abandoned me. Even you, now.”

“Abandoned you? We’re just moving. I’m still staying in Palo Alto.”

“Yeah,” Erlich huffed. “But what does that matter? I’m never going to see you. We’re never going to talk or hang out anymore.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? I’m not dying. We still work together. Why wouldn’t we talk?”

“Because no one likes me enough to hang out with me if they don’t have to.” Erlich felt humiliated saying it, but it also felt like the truth. He rubbed at his eyes, but it did nothing to stem the flow of tears. “You’re just going to leave me here, just like everyone else. I haven’t heard from any of them since they left, you know that? None of them. And now you’re going too.” He sniffled. “If I died tomorrow, no one would even fucking notice. I’d be one of those freaks you see in the paper who no one notices they’re dead until one of the neighbors calls the police about a weird smell.”

“That’s… disgusting. And also not true. We’re still gonna hang out and stuff.” 

Erlich shook his head. “Not the same,” he muttered. “It’s not the same.”

The two sat in silence, Erlich trying to calm himself, Richard fiddling uncomfortably with his hands. Finally, Richard jammed his hands into his hoodie pockets and took a deep breath. “Uh, you know,” he said, “my new place is actually… not that great.”

Erlich glanced over at him. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. The rent around here is crazy. Even though I have money now, the only place I can afford is a shit hole.” Richard glanced at Erlich, then looked down at his knees. “And I think the neighbor is a drug dealer.”

“What’s his name?” Erlich asked. It was his usual response to hearing the words “drug dealer.” 

“I think he deals, uh, the heavy stuff. Like, a Heisenburg kinda guy,” Richard explained. “It’s actually, um, pretty scary over there.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, I’d like to stay here, but I always figured you wanted to have the place to yourself again. But, you know, if you’d have me…” He trailed off, looking up at Erlich expectantly.

Erlich’s heart jumped, and he smiled. “I can’t have you living in a place like that,” he said, his voice starting to even out. “You’d be dead within a week. You would never make it in a turf war.”

Richard sighed, looking irritated. “Does that mean I can stay?”

Erlich grinned. “Yeah. It sounds like it’s for the best, after all.”

“Cool.” Richard gave Erlich a small smile. “I’m gonna go cancel the movers. Want me to order some pizza too?”

“Yeah. Get me a large everything. And don’t order from that shitty vegan place. I don’t care how good Jared says they are, I want real food.”

“Sure.” Richard smiled. “Whatever you want, roomie.”


	11. Erlich/Richard - Fake Relationship

“I don’t think this is gonna work, Erlich.”

“Would you relax and shut up?” Erlich hissed. “We’re already here. It’s not like we can turn back now.”

When the door opened, both Erlich and Richard faked smiles. “Mr. and Mrs. Hendricks!” Erlich boomed, opening his arms wide. “So good to finally meet you!” He handed a bouquet of flowers to Richard’s mother and a bottle of fine French wine to Richard’s father. “I’m Erlich. I’m sure Richard has told you all about me, yes?”

“Of course! We’ve heard all about our future son-in-law.” Mrs. Hendricks beamed, and Richard tried not to look too guilty. It’s all about the money, he reminded himself. Get married, get shares and stock back, get insurance - that’s it. 

“I’ve been looking forward to meeting you two for so long.” Erlich wrapped an arm around Richard’s shoulders. “Isn’t that right, sweetheart?”

“Yup. He’s been pretty excited about it.” Another feeling joined the guilt and nervousness in Richard’s stomach - a spark of excitement at the word “sweetheart.” 

“Now, Marilyn - can I call you Marilyn? - I’ve been wanting to talk to you about the wedding. What colors would you be thinking? I know we’re going for a winter wedding - a little unconventional, but hey, we’ve always been a little unconventional, ha ha - but I actually think that staying away from those brighter colors might be a good idea. I’m thinking a lot of darker colors, very rich, especially a cranberry sort of thing…” 

Richard drifted off and watched Erlich talk. Erlich’s hands were moving quickly, his eyes were shining, and he was turning the charm up to a thousand. His parents were hanging on every word that he said, and Richard couldn’t blame them. Erlich was magnetic. He always was. It was what made Richard so shaky sitting next to him and why he said yes so quickly to Erlich’s insane proposal of a sham marriage to preserve their assets.

He was still watching, lost in thought, when he found himself surprised by Erlich’s lips on his. “Just go with it,” Erlich whispered in his ear afterward before turning back to Richard’s parents. “I just can’t resist sometimes. He looks so cute when he’s daydreaming.”

Richard jumped up. “Excuse me,” he said, hurrying out of the living room and down the hall. He slammed the bathroom door behind him and threw up.

Leave it to Richard Hendricks to actually get lovesick.


	12. Erlich/Richard - Partners in Crime

The ski mask was incredibly itchy, and it didn’t help that Richard was sweating. “Can’t we take these off?” he murmured.

“If you want the cameras to see us, sure,” Erlich whispered. “You really think Gavin fucking Belson doesn’t have like a hundred cameras in here? This is his work office, for Christ’s sake.”

“Yeah, I know, but this still feels like overkill.”

“And sneaking into his office in the first place isn’t overkill?”

“We need to figure out what he’s up to, Erlich. He already stole the box -”

“You hated the box!”

“Well yeah, I hated the box, but it’s still using my tech!”

Erlich rolled his eyes. “Oh my God, Richard, I love you more than anything in this world, but you are one petty fuck.”

“And Gavin Belson isn’t?” Richard hissed. “I just want to make sure he’s not stealing our video tech now. You know he would do it just to spite us.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Erlich said. “Let’s just get out of here, you paranoid little weirdo.”

“That sounds very loving. What a nice thing to say to your boyfriend. Thank you.”

“Now you’re choosing to get snippy with me? This was your idea!”

“I was speaking rhetorically!” 

“Then why are you here?”

Richard didn’t have an answer for that. “Let’s just find what we can.”

They dug through every drawer in the office, pulling out files, rustling through them, and putting them back. Erlich tried multiple times to log onto Gavin’s computer, and it didn’t work. Eventually, Richard struck gold.

“Hey, look at this!” He pulled a Hooli tablet out of a drawer. “It doesn’t have a lock on it or anything, but it’s probably synced up to his other devices!”

“Richard, I could kiss you right now.”

“Not really the time, but later.” Richard turned on the tablet with shaking hands. He was confused when, upon the screen lighting up, there was only one icon: videos.

“What the fuck?” Erlich whispered.

“No idea.”

Richard clicked on the icon and saw that there was only one video available. When he clicked it, Gavin’s face - wearing a very smug expression - popped up on the screen. “So, it appears you’ve been snooping around my office,” Gavin said. “That’s fine. I happen to be very careful with all of my tech and all of my plans. So sorry.” His smirk widened. “Looks like all you little Pied Piper fucks are out of luck.”

The video ended, and the two of them stared. “Wow,” Richard muttered. “This is…”

“Fuck humiliating.”

“Yeah. This definitely doesn’t feel good.”

After a moment of sitting there, Erlich stood up. “Fuck it. Fuck that guy.” He pulled Richard up. “You know what we’re gonna do now?”

“No.”

“We’re going to take that fucking tablet, we’re going to sell it to some kids, we’re gonna use the money to buy as much booze as we can, and then we’re going to go fuck like animals.” Erlich grinned. “Sound good?”

Richard smiled. “That actually sounds great. I get to take the ski mask off for that, right?”

“We’ll see. I’m getting kind of into it now.”


	13. NelsonBelson - Road Trips

“Dude, road trips are supposed to be for relaxing,” Bighead said, sipping on his soda and smirking at the intense look on Gavin’s face.

“This is a conference, not a road trip,” Gavin explained irritably, “and conferences are not something to be this relaxed about.

“Whatever,” Bighead said lightly, playing with his straw. “So long as we get some alone time in our hotel room, I’ll be good with that.”

“Oh please,” Gavin said with a small smile, “like I would ever let business get in the way of that.”


End file.
